The Unforgivable Mistake
by trinity3000
Summary: Sesshomaru knew that his mistake was unforgivable. How could he have caused her so much pain? Warning - The story does contain brief mention of rape and violence, but does not dwell on them. no longer a ONESHOT.
1. Sesshomaru's Mistake

"What have I done," was the pained exclamation from the man who was known for never expressing emotion

A/N: Hello everyone. It has been a long time since I posted. I had a lot of unexpected things happen over the summer. Now I am in a position where I have plenty of time to write (gotta love lay offs).

I should be working on my other stories this week, but this popped in my head and would not leave, so I let it out. For now I am considering it a oneshot, but I may continue it if there's any interest. I could either continue the Sess, Kags story line, or put in other mistakes made by other characters in the story. I'm just not sure. For now I'll just call it a oneshot and go back to my other stories.

As always, thanks for reading, and if you have a minute, let me know what you think.

I do not own Inuyasha or any of the characters and I do not make any money from writing these stories.

"What have I done," was the pained exclamation from the man who was known for never expressing emotion.

He had made the biggest mistake of his life and he had no idea how to fix the damage that he had caused. He was a powerful man and he normally always had a game plan. This was the first time in many years that he found himself completely confused and lost.

"Would you care to talk about it son?" came the deep friendly voice of Touga. He expected the all too familiar, 'that will not be necessary father.'

Imagine his surprise when he heard his son say, "Yes, please sit."

Touga barely recognized his son's voice. It was normally deep and confident much like his own, but today it sounded pained and almost afraid.

Sesshomaru had been sitting in one of the two chairs that faced the fireplace in the study. He had a drink in one had and his head in the other. Seeing his son sitting in this manner unnerved Touga. He quickly sat in the other chair and waited patiently for his son to speak.

"It never should have happened," Sesshomaru stated sadly. "It was all because of me. What kind of person have I become?"

"What are you talking about?" Touga asked.

"Kagome," Sesshomaru stated. He set his drink down with a shaky hand and looked at the shocked face of his father.

Suddenly his father's expression changed from shock to anger. "You had better explain yourself right now." Start at the beginning Sesshomaru and don't you dare let anything out."

Sesshomaru started to lay out the story that he felt would forever damn him in the eyes of his father. "It started about 2 years ago. She had just started dating Inuyasha after they had graduated from college. She was smart and beautiful. I knew that no one like her could ever be interested in someone like Inuyasha. There had to be more to it, so I did a background check and found out that she came from a poor family. Finally I understood her attraction to the brat. It was obvious that she was after his money."

"Obvious only to you," Touga added.

"Yes," Sesshomaru conceded, "It was only obvious to me. I spoke to Inuyasha and told him to break up with the woman. He laughed at me and said that they were in love. He said that I would see how wrong I was when I got to know her better. I decided that I would get to know her, just to get more evidence of her deceit. Around that time Rin started to get sick."

Touga sighed. He remembered when his granddaughter became ill. He had never seen his son so distraught. Weeks of tests and then finally the news that she had Leukemia. She needed a bone marrow transplant in order to recover. They searched databases, and offered incentives to all of the employees at their company to get tested. They needed to find a match and none could be located. In the mean time, Rin got worse and worse. Finally they received the news that a match was found and they wanted to donate anonymously. The family was relieved and happy when the treatment was a success and Rin recovered.

"While stress was high for the family," Sesshomaru continued. "Inuyasha started to have frequent arguments with Kagome. You know how possessive he has always been with his girlfriends. Well, when Kagome landed a good job that took up a lot of her time, Inuyasha started to think that she was cheating on him. Then she had told him that she was going on a business trip, but Kouga saw her coming out of the doctor's office that they both went too. Inuyasha confronted her about her lie, but she just said that she had a good reason for her deception and would explain one day. She insisted that she was faithful to him. He seemed like he wanted to believe her, but I convinced him otherwise. I didn't know why I disliked the woman so much."

Sesshomaru paused and downed his drink. This was where things had taken a turn for the worst and he had to brace himself. "During Rin's illness and recovery, Kagome had offered to help in any way she could, so I asked her to come over a few times to help comfort Rin. I explained that since Rin's mother was dead, there was no other woman that I knew of that could offer her a mother's support. She came over as often as her work schedule allowed. During these visits I got to know her. If I had been thinking straight, I might have recognized her as the caring wonderful woman that she was, but all I could think about was getting enough information to prove that she was a gold digger. In my mind, her desire to help Rin was proof that she was trying to ingratiate herself further into the family. She was a talkative woman and would often speak to me about her family and childhood. I noticed that she mentioned her childhood boyfriend Hojo many times."

At this point he paused to take a deep breath. Touga was becoming more and more uncomfortable. He knew something very bad must have happened.

Sesshomaru continued with a slightly shaky voice, "I contacted Hojo to see if Kagome was still seeing him on the side and he confirmed that she was. He said that she was his fiancée. I told Inuyasha and he broke up with Kagome. He told her that he found out that she was a cheating gold digger and to never come near him or his family again. She pleaded that she had never cheated on him and did not know what he was taking about, but seemed to agree that they should break up. As far as Inuyasha was concerned, her desire to break up proved that she had been cheating and he never spoke to her again. Soon afterward he met Kikyo and started to date her. I was shocked when they eloped after just 1 month."

At this Touga chuckled, "Yes, the fastest courtship in family history. I still think he only wanted her because of her resemblance to Kagome. Too bad Kikyo did not have Kagome's heart and spirit."

At this Sesshomaru left a sound slip out of his mouth that could only be described as a choked sob. Touga sat straight up. Was Sesshomaru crying? He did not even cry at his wife's funeral.

Sesshomaru continued slowly, "No one had heard from Kagome in the last six months. After her break up with Inuyasha it was like she disappeared. Even mutual friends like Kouga never saw her anymore. I found that I missed her. I had started to enjoy her presence in my home even if I would not let myself acknowledge it at the time. There were so many times that I thought maybe I should look for her, but I shook those feelings away and continued on with my life. A week ago I received a letter from her."

Sesshomaru pulled the letter out of his pocket with a shaky hand and gave it to his father. Touga unfolded the letter and read it:

_Dear Sesshomaru,_

_I know that you and your family think I was a gold digger and cheated on Inuyasha, but that was not true. I loved Inuyasha with all my heart when we first started dating. I thought he was the one for me, but as time went on and his jealous side came out I started to fall out of love with him. When he confronted me about cheating on him, I rightfully denied it. I had not cheated on him! However when he went on to say that we should break up, I agreed. Even though I had never physically cheated, my heart had started to love another. Two others actually. I had fallen head over heals in love with you and Rin._

_I wanted to come to you after the break up and explain, but Inuyasha said that you thought I was a gold digger from the moment you met me. I would like to think that your opinion changed after you got to know me, but looking back now I doubt that it did. I had thought that your probing questions were in an effort to get to know me better, but now I think they might have been because you did not trust me._

_I am going to throw those sad thoughts out the window and think that you just wanted to know me. I can't afford to hold on to the bad thoughts. My nerves are already spread way too thin, and I have to block out the negative feelings in order to fight on. _

_I am writing this letter to you because I doubt I will have a chance to see you in person again. I don't know if you remember the stories that I used to tell you about my childhood friend Hojo. He was one of my best friends growing up and my high school sweetheart. What I didn't tell you was that he proposed to me during our first year of college. I turned him down because I didn't think it was realistic to commit to something like that before graduating and seeing where we wanted to go with our lives. After I turned him down he became violent towards me and I eventually ended up in the hospital. After that I was through with him, but he was not through with me. He comes from a family of lawyers and they would always find a loophole to free him when I had him arrested. I tried moving, but no matter where I went he kept showing up in my life. He would find me and beat me until I ended up in the hospital. I went to 5 different colleges before I was able to get enough credits to graduate because I was trying to run from him. I finally thought I had given him the slip when I moved to Kyoto. _

_Somehow he managed to find me right before Inuyasha broke up with me. He started his games of letting me know he was around, and one night when I went home he was in my apartment waiting. He raped me and tried to keep me with him, but I got away. He is pursuing me now and I don't think I will be able to get away. I am too ashamed to write this letter to my family. I don't know how I became such a pathetic victim, but I feel so weak and stupid. I thought that if I wrote you maybe you could find it in your heart to let my family know that I love and miss them. They don't know why I started running and stopped contacting them. Please, I beg you to let them know that it had nothing to do with them and that there was nothing they could do to help me._

_I know that you have thought poorly of me in the past. You thought I was a gold digger and a cheating whore and now you can add pathetic and weak to the list, but please, please do this for me. I beg you._

_Sincerely, _

_Kagome_

Touga appeared to calmly fold the letter and hand it back to his son, but inside his stomach was churning. He had loved Kagome from the first moment he met her and the thought that she was being pursued by this stalker made him ill.

"As soon as I got this letter I pulled every resource we had to try to find the girl," Sesshomaru started again. "It took a week, but they found her. She was in critical care in a hospital in Tokyo. He must have found her right after she mailed this letter. She has been raped multiple times and in multiple places. She appeared to have been help captive and tortured for several days. She had been dumped in an alley to die." At this point Sesshomaru could no longer hold back his tears. "While my investigators were pulling information, one of the things they pulled was her medical records. She was Rin's bone marrow donor. She had done it anonymously. If she had truly been a gold digger she would have milked that act of kindness for all it was worth, but she didn't. She was a good person who just wanted to help and look what I did to her."

"Now hold on son," Touga interrupted. "You may not have believed in her, but you are not the one who put her in the hospital. This is indeed a sad story, but you are not at fault for the actions of this Hojo person."

"Yes I am!" Sesshomaru yelled while rising from his chair. "Don't you see? He found her because of me. I had contacted him for information on Kagome. I told him exactly who I was and why I was calling. I practically handed her location over to him. I might not have touched her myself, but I set everything in motion. How could I do this to someone I love?"

Touga shook his head sadly. His poor son had always been so afraid to show his emotions. He knew from the beginning that Sesshomaru liked Kagome and could not stand to see her with his brother. That was the reason for all of this. He was a little shocked that he so openly admitted his love for the woman, but not surprised that he had these feelings.

"Sesshomaru," Touga called to get his son's attention. When Sesshomaru looked at him he continued, "How is Kagome now? Will she recover?"

Sesshomaru nodded, "She is getting better and is expected to make an almost full recovery."

"Almost full recovery?" Touga questioned.

"She will have some scares that cannot be removed, even with plastic surgery, and…." Sesshomaru started but could not seem to finish his sentence.

"And what," Touga pressed.

"And she will probably never be able to have children," Sesshomaru answered.

Touga gasped knowing that Kagome loved kids. "Have you seen her?" Touga asked.

"Yes, I saw her today. Despite her injuries she smiled at me and told me how glad she was to see me. Then she started to cry and apologized for being so weak. I tried to comfort her and tell her she was not weak, but she jumped away when I tried to touch her. The doctors said that this is normal for someone who has suffered this type of abuse and that it will take a lot of counseling for her to recover mentally." Sesshomaru seemed deep in thought for a few moments before he continued. "I want to bring her to my home where I can get the best doctors to help her, but I know that once she hears what I have done she will hate me."

"That is why you can never tell her," Touga responded like it was obvious.

Sesshomaru's head snapped around and he stared at his father in disbelief. "How can I not tell her? Knowing what I did will tear me apart every time I see her."

"Exactly," Touga said while rising from his chair to stand with his son. "This will be your punishment for what has happened. Kagome is a wonderful woman. I am sure there are many things that she could forgive, but I doubt this is one of them. The price that she paid for your mistake was just too high. The only possible results of your confession would be that it would ease your conscience and would increase her distrust in others. You two will have enough obstacles in your path as it is, but as things stand the woman loves you. She can hold onto that while she recovers. Don't destroy that love and give her one more thing to have to recover from. Now, what of Hojo?"

"I can assure you that he is no longer a concern," Sesshomaru answered sounding like himself for the first time that night.

"Ahh, I assumed as much," Touga answered with a smile and started to leave the room.

"Father," Sesshomaru called. Touga stopped and turned around to listen to his son once more. "You really think that she would not forgive me?"

"Son, there are some mistakes that are unforgivable." Touga responded sadly. "If you doubt me, I suggest that you call your mother and ask her about her feelings on Izayoi, Inuyasha, and myself." Touga turned and left the room.

"Then she will never know," Sesshomaru said to the empty room. He pulled out his phone to start making arrangements. He would bring Kagome home as soon as she was able to be discharged and he would never let anything happen to her again. He knew his father was right. How could he hope that Kagome would forgive him when he couldn't even forgive himself? He would leave this burden on his soul to deal with himself and he would pray that no one ever found out.


	2. Inuyasha's Mistake

Inuyasha was waiting for his father to come into the study. He was so excited to show him the newest picture of his baby.

When Touga walked into the room Inuyasha rushed over to him and shoved the picture into his hand. "Look father, here is the newest picture. Do you think he looks more like Kikyo or me?"

"I don't know son," Touga replied staring at the picture in his hand. "What do you think?"

"I think he looks more like me, but Kikyo disagrees," Inuyasha replied with a shrug of his shoulders.

"How is Kikyo doing?" Touga asked as Inuyasha and he took a seat.

"She's fine," he replied. He had taken the picture back from his father and was staring at it.

"Has she forgiven you for trying to leave her for Kagome?" Touga asked calmly.

"What are you talking about? I would never leave her for Kagome. Kikyo is a way better woman then Kagome." Inuyasha replied with a roll of his eyes.

"Son," Touga started cautiously. "I know that you tried to convince Kagome to get back with you the day that she was being discharged from the hospital and moving in with your brother. I just wanted to know if Kikyo has forgiven you."

Inuyasha paused and seemed to be trying to decide what to say. His happy expression turned dark. "That bastard had no right to take my woman and move her into his house. I don't care if he spent 2 months helping her recover. She was mine.. She was always meant to be mine."

"She wasn't yours son," Touga sighed. "The two of you broke up and then you moved on and married Kikyo. You had an emotional very pregnant wife at home when you went to see Kagome. Did you forget about that?"

"How the hell could I forget about that," Inuyasha yelled. "You sound just like Kikyo.. She's not yours anymore Inu. We're going to have a baby Inu. I can't handle all this stress Inu.. Blah, blah, blah. She would never let me forget that she was the one in my life and carrying our child. She would never let me forget that I dumped Kagome for her."

That got Touga's attention. "What did you just say? What do you mean you dumped Kagome for Kikyo?"

"I see I can still surprise my old man," Inuyasha chuckled. "Do you know that I have never been faithful to a woman?" Inuyasha asked.

"What?" Touga practically yelled, now very confused.

Inuyasha looked up at the disapproving expression on his father's face and laughed. "Like father, like son, huh pop?"

Touga's expression instantly changed from anger to surprise and then to sadness. "I know that I have not always been the best role model Inuyasha, but I had hoped that my sons would not repeat my mistakes."

Inuyasha nodded, "I know father, I know. I wish I could have learned from you, but I was never one to take the easy path."

"So you had already met Kikyo when you broke up with Kagome?" Touga asked still reeling a bit from this new information.

"Met her," Inuyasha laughed. "Oh, I had met her alright, every part of her, many, many times."

"Please son, TMI." Touga grimaced. If you left Kagome for Kikyo, then why do you care if she was finally able to find some happiness with your brother?"

"They're not going to be happy," Inuyasha scoffed. "She can't even give him any kids."

Touga had to try to keep his temper in check. "We don't know that for sure yet. She healed up much better then expected. They are giving her a 50% chance…."

"They will not be able to have kids. This is the only grandson you will ever have." Inuyasha yelled and shoved the picture into his father's hands. "Everyone just needs to realize that for once I have done something that Sesshomaru couldn't do. I have created our family's only male heir."

Touga needed to change topics and try to get the conversation back on track before Inuyasha became too agitated, "Why only one son Inuyasha? Don't you and Kikyo want to have more? Are you stopping at one because she can't forgive you for trying to leave her for Kagome?"

Inuyasha grabbed the picture back from his father once again and seemed to go back to his happy demeanor as he looked at it. "Do you know how I met Kikyo?"

"No son, you never told me," Touga answered.

"I thought she was Kagome when I first saw her," Inuyasha laughed. "You see, I started dating Kikyo several months before Kagome and I broke up. Kagome was always so damned busy. It seemed like she never had any time for me. One night I went out drinking and saw Kikyo from across the bar. I thought she was Kagome and I went over to confront her about being out when she was supposed to be working. When I realized it wasn't Kagome, I apologized for interrupting her evening and started to leave, but Kikyo stopped me. She said that I was cute and the least I could do for interrupting her was to stay and buy her a drink. I drank with Kikyo until the bar closed and then spent the night with her. The girl was a freak in bed and I was hooked after that night. Kagome had always been shy in bed and even about how I touched her when we weren't having sex. You couldn't do anything rough with her, but Kikyo always let me do whatever I wanted to her. I loved that about her."

"So why did you want to go back to Kagome?" Touga asked.

Inuyasha stood up and started to pace. "I never expected to see Kagome again after I broke up with her. I never wanted to see her again. I was content with Kikyo and everyone was excited about the baby. Then all the sudden Kagome was back and every body was so concerned for her and telling stories about how great she was. And of course everyone was just thrilled that Sesshomaru was with her now. It wasn't right! It was my time to shine. I wasn't about to let that bastard have her."

"I don't understand Inuyasha, did you want to be with her, or did you just want to hurt your brother?" Touga asked.

Inuyasha ignored his father's question. "Kikyo wants to have a family dinner after Kagome gets out of the hospital."

Touga sighed again, "Kagome was released from the hospital 3 months ago Inuyasha. Do you remember that day?" Inuyasha had a blank expression on his face so Touga pressed on, "You went to see Kagome that morning," Still no change in Inuyasha's expression, so he pressed further. "You tried to convince her to leave your brother and come back to you."

Inuyasha looked at his picture again and smiled, but at the same time tears were flowing down his cheeks. For the first time that day his eyes looked clear and bright. "They died didn't they?"

Touga walked over to his son and put his hands on his shoulders, "Yes son, I'm so sorry."

_Inuyasha remembered the argument at the hospital. Kikyo had figured out that he was really going to try to get Kagome back. The hospital was set up so that two rooms shared one bathroom. The room connected to Kagome's was empty, so Kikyo hid out in there and waited to see if he would show up. When he did, she was able to listen to his conversation with Kagome. She came into the room through the bathroom after he told Kagome that Kikyo and the baby meant nothing to him. Kikyo was crying so hard that he could barely understand what she was saying. Every few sentences she would ask him why he was leaving her or why Kagome was better then her and he didn't have any answers. _

_He had tried to calm her down until she turned to Kagome and told her that she was truly jealous of her because she ended up with the better brother. That's when he lost it. He started screaming that his bastard brother was not better then him. He told Kikyo that he hated her and wanted her, the fuck, out of his life. Kikyo said that she would never forgive him for doing this to her and their baby and she stormed out of the room. He had screamed after her that she was a bitch and could drop dead for all he cared._

_He never even noticed that Sesshomaru had come into the room until Kikyo passed him to storm out. Sesshomaru went over to the bed to comfort a now sobbing Kagome. They couldn't understand how anyone could be so cruel to their pregnant wife. Kagome and Sesshomaru had both started yelling at him about what a fool he was. _

_Then they heard a loud screeching and a crash coming from outside of the building. As soon as they heard the crash it felt like time had slowed down. He just knew that it had something to do with Kikyo. Somehow he knew. _

_He ran to the window which over looked the parking lot. There was Kikyo's car, upside down on a grassy hill that ran along the one side of the parking lot. It looked like it had flipped over and slid down the hill on its roof before it was stopped by a tree._

_EMT's were running to the car, but he just stood by the window and watched. He knew she was dead. He knew the baby was dead. He could feel it like a weight in his soul. _

_He could barely register what was happening when Sesshomaru grabbed his arm and drug him outside. _

_When they pulled Kikyo out of the car, there was no doubt that she was dead. Sesshomaru had already told them that she was pregnant, so they rushed her into the hospital to see if the baby could be saved, but he was dead as well. _

_The witnesses said that Kikyo was speeding through the parking lot and didn't appear to see the woman in the crosswalk until the last possible second. She slammed on the breaks and sharply turned the wheel which caused the car to jump the curb, skid across the sidewalk, and then flip and slide when it reached the grassy hill._

_The world seemed to go black after that. He didn't remember anything that happened after that day. _

Inuyasha looked down to see what was clasped in his hand. It was a piece of paper that looked like it was torn from a spiral notebook. There was a crude stick figure drawing of a baby on the paper. "Father, she told me that she would never forgive me."

"You were both upset, and you didn't mean what was said," Touga told his son soothingly and hugged Inuyasha.

Inuyasha looked over the shoulder of his father and saw a bloody Kikyo sitting in the corner of the room nursing his dead son. "No, I did mean it. When I said it, I meant it. That's what makes it so unforgivable. Now I need to spend time with my family."

"There's no one there," Touga screamed as he tried to shake his son.

"She doesn't forgive me father. She'll never forgive me. She's going to haunt me forever." Inuyasha clamped his eyes shut and was practically hyperventilating. "I can't handle this I want my wife and baby back. This is just a bad dream."

"No Inuyasha, this is reality," Touga pleaded trying to get through to his son. "What happened was horrible, but you need to accept it and forgive yourself so you can move on."

When Inuyasha opened his eyes, Touga could see by his hazy eyes that Inuyasha had retreated back to his dream world. The world where his wife and son were alive and he had stopped by his father's house to show him the newest picture of his baby.

He had no idea that he was in his psychiatrists office in the mental institution where he was committed after their deaths.

"I'm sorry Touga," The doctor said from his chair behind the desk. "That's as far as we can go today.

Touga watched his son pull a chair up to the empty one that he thought contained his wife and child and start to hold a one sided conversation.

"Is there any hope for him," Touga asked with tears in his eyes.

"There's always hope," The doctor replied. "Loosing a wife and child would be hard on anyone, but he has such guilt over the events right before the accident that he can't accept what's happened. It appears that he has started to have brief moments where he remembers, but then he pushes the thoughts away. He needs to forgive himself."

Touga just nodded and approached his son, "Inuyasha I have to go now. Your mother is coming to see you tomorrow and I'll see you again in a couple of days."

"OK pop, I should have another new picture to show you by then. The baby is growing so fast." Inuyasha waved to his father with a big smile on his face.

Touga left the building and got in his car. He pulled his flask of scotch out of the glove compartment and took a long drink to calm his nerves. Inuyasha had always been jealous of his brother and it would sometimes drive him to do stupid things, but his actions with Kagome had caused a chain reaction that no one could have foreseen. He had no doubt that Inuyasha would have come to his senses and made things right with Kikyo if that accident hadn't happened, but it did and now he had to live with his guilt.

Touga dreaded these sessions with his son more and more. Izzayoi couldn't handle it so the task had fallen to him. It seemed like each session he learned something new about his son and he found that he liked the boy less and less. Yes, he still loved his son and always would, but he had been blind to many of his antics and he wished he was still in the dark on many things. He was afraid that one day something would come up that would forever change things between them.

A/N--- I had a lot of requests to continue this one shot, and so I did.

This chapter took me a while because it is actually based on something that happened to a friend of mine about 10 years ago and I wanted to get it right. When you're reading, you may find Inu's reaction a bit extreme, but I can assure you something like this can destroy a person (and did).


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